Thursday, June 20, 2013

I recently intercepted a text to Peyton Manning by one of his critics. Here it is:

How are you going to feel when your little brother,who is also a better quarterback than you, takes his New York Giants, who have to struggle to get attention in New York since the pitiful Jets who are for some reason always everyone's Super Bowl prediction also play in New York, beat you on national TV in the super bowl and the so called"non-elite" Eli Manning is named the games MVP hours after you are named the leagues MVP which won't freakin' matter because you couldn't win the most important thing of all: the Super Bowl. ESPN and newspapers everywhere have the headline: ELI, AS IN ELI-TE, THE SUPERIOR MANNING. You had a chance to win the game but you blew it. You threw an interception to clinch the game for the deserving G-men. No one is to blame but you. Eli will get appearances on all shows from Saturday Night Live to The Ellen Degenres Show. He will become more famous than even Joe Namath, and will go down as the greatest QB in history. Furious, you will demand to go on any show, but nobody wants you, so you get mad and tell Eli that if he doesn't take you with him on the talking dead he will beat you up. When the police find out about this you are thrown in jail for 10 months..........When you finally get out you realize you missed the entire 2013-2014 NFL season leading the Broncos to cut you. And Eli and the Giants , with some help from the refs, go undefeated and win the Super Bowl.Again. Eli is named the game's, and leagues MVP. You try to get a team to sign you but nobody wants a fat 37-year-old who has neck problems. You retire and it takes you 50 years to be voted into the hall of fame, by which time you are dead, and the NFL no longer exists. Eli and the Giants go undefeated for the next 10 seasons and win the super bowl each year and their "un-elite" QB wins MVP each year. The last year of the NFL you are some homeless guy trying to find shelter when you walk into Beef'o'Brady's where you see Eli and the Giants beating the Colts in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl. You also see highlights from the AFC championship game where the Colts and Andrew Luck beat the New England Patriots. But NE's QB isn't Tom Brady it's your son, Arthur Manning. One word: Awkward. Their coach is no longer Bill Belichek, now it's your brother, Cooper. Two words: Super Awkward. The Giants win the Super Bowl and Eli is named MVP. You hear a familiar voice and look over to see Tom Brady cheering. Three words: Super Duper Awkward. How are you going to feel then, Peyton?

I don't think that person is a Broncos fan.

What do you think?


  1. Sounds like someone doesn't like all the attention given to Peyton!

  2. Wow, that's quite a long rant. I think both Mannings are quite content with their success to date and will continue to establish their mark in football history.

  3. That is exactly what is going to happen.Go Eli!

  4. Sounds like someone is an Eli fan...